I'm Big in Malaysia

That famous phrase uttered by many-a-musician. Like Hasselhoff is in Germany. (WTF?) Anyway...thanks to the kind guys and gals at Google Analytics, I am able to get the statistics on the blog. That, and some research and some tips from fellow bloggers. I signed up for Google Analytics ages ago for my old company, but never submitted it to search engines. Funny now that I am publishing my opinion, people are actually searching it out and reading it.

For those that don't know, Google Analytics is a tool to track a website (like this blog). It has tons of info (most which I don't use, as I am not selling anything). The key things it shows is the traffic flow. Where your visitors are coming from, how they got to your site, how long they stayed, how many pages they viewed, etc. There is even the "bounce rate" (whatever that is) and a bunch of assorted crap I will never use.

The whole point of this blog (if there was ever going to be one) is have some fun and take a topical view of (sometimes) serious issues with regards to living in Dubai, and the UAE in general. It seems like people are actually interested. Huh. Who'd a thunk it?

Most viewers are from the UAE, but in the 2 weeks since I started submitting the articles to search engines, people are finding me. Pretty cool. Would be nice if you left a comment and let me know if you are interested (or not) in an article in particular. The growth rate seems to be exponential, but when starting out, who cares, right?

There is some really cool data though.Seems the Malaysians are the most enthused (or they just read slow) spending an average of 50 minutes on the site. The Dutch are next with 23 minutes, followed by the South Africans with 22 minutes. Canadians get their fill at a minute and a half, while the mental giants to the south need almost 8 minutes to absorb the same info on the same pages (hey, stats don't lie). Apparently I scared off the Irish and Serbians in 10 seconds flat, but Bahrain, what's up. Dismissing reality in seven seconds!

This is a great tool, one which I will keep you posted on the results as I gain readership. And to the guy/gal from Iceland that queried "dubai rent cap"..bless your heart. I thought things were messed up here. I still say give Bjork a ring and ask her to bail you out.

Cool country map:

Ha! friggin' told'ja...

A couple of tidbits I learned today....one I just stumbled across by accident.

#1 Just because a project has broken ground or nearing completion, does not mean that it will get finished. I am pleased to report that my previous employer, CSI got the proverbial carpet yanked from under them last week. Sales staff, admin and CAD people completely wasted a year of their life on a project. I can only assume you will not read it in the "Gospel According to Mo" (Gulfnews) as it is a 3 degrees of separation thing, but Harvard Medical School, Dubai Campus (HMSDC) has been shelved. That's right, get out, the site is on lockdown, they're shrink-wrapping it and moth balling it. Sucks to be them. This job was 70% complete and 25% paid. Boo-hoo.

I met with the Head C.S. of C.S.I. today and it was a very different meeting to our previous. Usually his line is ringing off the hook and his mobile is vibrating off the desk. Not today. His desk is usually cluttered with contracts, papers, his email "binging" away every 10 seconds, people knocking at the door. Not today. Today was quiet. An hour long meeting was interrupted by one call "do you want coffee or tea?"

I was shocked at the relative calm of the office. And at the exquisite coffee that was brought to me in the oh-so-ironic-chipped-mug. Life was good today.

#2 Don't pay Real Estate commissions anymore. One of the UAE's largest estate companies is now giving it away to buyers. Whoopity-doo. I was just checking their site to see what my palatial estate is renting for this week and saw this:



#3 Stating the obvious. The "Gospelnews" has become remarkable thinner in recent months. No longer is the front page wrapped in some glossy real estate announcement, and gone are the days of 37 property supplements. I am grateful, because it allows me to get to the drivel faster than before. Another surprise I had this week was scanning an issue of "Property Weekly", the property rag left on newsstands, restaurants and the like. It used to be as thick as a phone book. This week it was like a flimsy little brochure. The The National has a report on the dramatic drop in advertising spending found HERE A tidbit mentioned below:

Property adspend plunges

Keach Hagey

* Last Updated: January 25. 2009 8:36PM UAE / GMT

Property advertising, the largest advertising spending category in the country, dropped by more than two thirds during the final quarter of last year, according to data collected by the Pan Arab Research Center (PARC).

The sharp drop in developer spending from US$80 million (Dh293.8m) in October to $25m in December, combined with reduced advertising from the financial sector, helped to pull down total advertising spending growth rates in the last quarter, mirroring a wider trend in the Middle East region.

Peppering the Article

As the blog develops and gains a readership, I should probably put a disclaimer in here that I curse like a sailor. I don't feel it is gratuitous swearing, just enough to pepper the article accordingly. Sometimes, a curse word is the only adjective, verb or noun that actually fits.

I don't mean to offend, but I like my articles to illustrate how I speak. If swearing offends you, I'm really fucking sorry. I am guessing that people that discover this blog are mature adults wanting a "Reality Check" on Dubai. How things are, the way things work, etc. The reality is, people swear a shit-load here. I think much of it born of frustration.

Sorry to be a cursy-pants, but if you are offended by four-letter punctuation, just close your eyes when you get to the scary bits. It'll be okay. I even got busted this week swearing in the Religious Forum on Dubai Helping Hand. Whoops!

Funny Dubai drivers...I love this

The quality is not great, but just funny as hell. I guess they installed these speed bumps (the giant ones on Beach Road) and didn't sign them. Classic Dubai.

Hey, Habibi, here's another stupid idea we can't pull off!

Well, it's no secret that the braniacs that are in charge of dreaming up laws, regulations and "plans in general" are out to lunch when it comes to time lines. I mean, everything being built here in Dubai is delayed by years. There has been a great deal of concern over the Emirates Identity Card. Concern because no one is sure how to get one (EIDA's website would shit the bed whenever you filled in your PRE-application [whatever the fuck a PRE application is]), why we needed one (there is debate that it will be your labour card/e-gate/driving license) or why we would BOTHER getting one.

They gave an unrealistic timeline of processing 5 million people through a handful of EIDA centers. Published in the paper everyday we read "no extentions given", "fines if you don't get a card", "get off your ass and get our card". Many people panicked and camped out over night and then spent all day to apply for their pointless piece of plastic. Most expats just said "nahhhh", not doing it, too much hassle. I mean SERIOUSLY, only in this country do you go online to make an appointment, then have to queue for said appointment (get there early or they give your spot away), and then most likely need another visit as you did not know you need an anal probe and retinal scan BEFORE visiting. The 537 easy steps to getting your card are listed here:

Ministry of Useless Wallet Filler



We (or maybe just me) saw it coming a mile away:

YOU'LL NEVER PULL THIS OFF YOU RETARDS!

Simple math tells you that you can't pull it off in the time given. The EIDA centres are manned by typical Dubai clerks with a real zest for "getting the job done", not to mention their command of the English language. (Still not sure who's friggin' name is on my driving license, but after 2 attempts I just left it). When the centres opened they were processing 140 applications a day PER CENTRE....isn't that an accomplishment! Wow, did you hurt yourself doing that? Just goes to show that even the people that "work" there don't know what the hell they are doing.

Here's the math: 26 centres X 140 applications a day = 3640 applications processed country-wide per work day

5,000,000 population / 3640 apps = 1374 work days to process the apps.

1374 work days = 4.57 YEARS to complete the process. Luckily, they have extended deadlines for EVERYONE, and told some groups not to even bother showing up for months. Now there is talk of them saying "never mind, bad idea, Emiratis ONLY need to have a card". Just let me know.

Oh wait.....I'll be long gone by then. Oh yeah...you forgot the fucking driveway! These pics just sum up the thought process in this country. Nice building, snazzy sign, pretty parking lot, loooooove the barriers, and your choice of shade sails. I guess the Driveway Council of the UAE dropped the ball in this one! W-O-W.

"YES" is such a viscious word

In response to my fellow Blogger, Naseem's post regarding "no" being a simple word. I would like to expand on that. Only in Dubai is the answer "yes"...followed by a head bobble make you disappointed. It means "yeah, I don't know what you said, what you want, or when you want it, but I will say YES and I can do it TOMORROW." Get fucked. I think the mathematical quotient for figuring out delivery (and I'm not kidding) is essentially x 10. Tomorrow= 10 days from now. YES= I am 1/10th sure.


These guys are a joke. Just tell me the truth. YES or bloody NO. I can take it.

When I ask if something can get done and I am told "yes" and I can have it "tomorrow", I want to punch the guy in the head. Don't lie to me, MoFo. I ordered a coffee yesterday that won't be ready till next week, how are you going to do "X" tomorrow.

Don't tell me you are doing something "presently". I am a big boy, I can take it. If you can't do it, just let me know. It's cool. It's called "under promise, over-deliver". I am currently working on a project on the Palm Jumeirah. I am doing my thing, and there is a contractor building a wooden deck around the pool area.

Back in Canada, we call a couple of buddies, buy a case of beer and bang out a deck in a weekend. These guys (local contractors) started building this deck December 20th....it is still not done. Un-be-effing-leivable. Just shocking. You could find drunken loggers in a bar back home and they would bang this thing out in a weekend.

Did I mention handover of the villa was September 15th? (we're a little behind). Bottom line. No means no, and stick to it. If my head bobbles, punch me in the face (please).


Have a look at my motivation for this article:
Naseem Saadeddine: "No" is such a simple word.

Buy a dog, name him "Clue", then you'll have one!

Ok, so several times in the past week I have taken part in discussions with people with their Dubai blinkers/blinders on. All of these people are long-time residents (7-15 years), are homeowners, have good paying jobs, a few bucks in the bank, etc. They come from different walks of life, yet they all have a specific commonality. Their heads seem to be up their asses. I mentioned in a previous article that you "had to have been living under a rock" not to know that the bottom has fallen out of the market. Well, since last Friday I have met 6 rock-dwellers. Completely oblivious to what is going on, complete clue balls. I think because they have been here since before the "boom" and have had the same job for 8,9,15 and 25 years. The slowdown here is so painfully obvious, it happened over night for Christ's sake. They still have yet to notice.

These are the people that believe the drivel in the Gulfnews, the rumour mill, and still believe they can rent their properties for extortionate amounts.

Just last night, one clueless wonder ACTUALLY believed that the lack of traffic is because the RTA initiatives were working. When I pointed out that tens of thousands of people had left Dubai, she "hadn't heard that". When I showed her the GN article regarding 1500-2000 residency permits being canceled daily, she commented "really, why are they leaving?" She also had not heard about the rent cap. But then again, how many Jumeirah Janes worry about that? They are more concerned with bitching about maids and nannies and houseboys.

Last Friday at a family get-together, I was happy to see some friends from Abu Dhabi that I rarely see. They have a beautiful home in Arabian Ranches that they let out to a German family for 320,000AED per year. They "aren't happy" with the tenants, and would like them out for better tenants. Apparently the tenants' child has drawn on the wall with crayons. (I happen to know when the owners lived there, their giant Mastiffs used to shit all over the floor). I'll take crayon over shit, any day.

When I told these friends about my "experiment", they were shocked. They believed the GN bullshit about higher rental demand due to lack of financing, etc. When I told them I had not got a single call regarding my "under market value" villa, their jaws dropped. They figured they would boot the Germans and someone would snap it up for 400,000 AED right away. A quick google search and I showed them a butt-load of identical properties "listed" at 250,000AED. I also let them know that that figure would be negotiable.

At the end of the conversation, they took the crayon.

Asshole of the Week #3

Short and sweet. Don't let the door smack you in the ass on the way out. Thanks for jacking everyone off the last 8 years. At least your replacement gives people hope...something that has not been a concept during your term. I hope we never hear from you again.

All the best, DD

The Experiment Part Deux-The Dangling Carrot

Ok, so I worked for my ex company for 10 months. Let's call them C.S.I. (c**ksuckers Inc.) When me and the wife and cats moved here everything was rosy.Things looked good, no complaints, other than the usual expat concerns, like retards with driving licenses. When I left my employers and we agreed to disagree that they are assholes, it was a trying time. I spent a lot of time online checking my rights and what I was owed, etc. They cut me before the one year mark so they would not have to pay gratuity, the bastards. They were supportive and "let me" stay on their visa and find another gig for the interim period so that they were not completely shitting on me. I thought that was decent and played nice-nice for a couple of months. CSI promised a visa transfer and NOC, the whole sha-bang. I thought, okay, I'll get something better. As we all know, you cannot transfer a visa until you have been with a company for a minimum of a year, even with their blessing. Politics needed to be played...I NEEDED this visa for my new higher-paying job. Fast forward to November 15 when my one year was up.

The global economy shit the bed. Not good. I have freelance work so did not panic too much. I asked them to stay on their visa longer as I needed some time. CSI said no problem.

Fast forward to January. A 10:30pm phone call from CSI HR needing to transfer my Visa urgently. They need to get the NOC, etc sorted. By this time it is no secret that there are no jobs to be had, no money to be made in my industry. What they were trying to do is TRANSFER so THEY don't need to pay repatriation costs. They moved me here, they terminated the limited contract, they pay to send me back. Thats the way it works. I did not know why they were so keen to "get along", then checked and figured it out. They were looking to save moving expenses for a container, 2 people and 2 cats back to Canada....a pretty hefty bill.

Funny how in good times, the residence visa is such a key thing. There are jobs-a-plenty and your employer doesn't want you having them. The concept of ownership is gone. I told CSI that I wanted my visa canceled (hey, I am buying a business now, don't need their visa, but will take their moving money!)and they were concerned..."no, take time and get another job". If you transfer a visa here in Dubai, then the "juice" is on your next employer to repatriate you. Seeing as I will be my next employer, I am not going along with the transfer. Besides, it is easier to cancel and start over than transfer. When I stood my ground and said no, I wanted it canceled, they have been dodging me like crazy. These guys are brutal, they don't know their ass from page six. With all the redundancies of late, this is a refrain you be hearing a great deal.

The residency permit and employment card. In the past it was a prize, now it is poison. The tables have turned, both for rents and jobs. No longer are the landlords and employers in the drivers seat. I never thought in a year here I would see such dynamic changes.

The Experiment Part One-The Villa

Unless you have been living under a rock, you know the planet is in a recession. Dubai has not yet admitted it yet, but hey, times are bad. Life sucks and we are unemployed. I am freelancing right now, so making ends meet, but it is still a bloody farce. This is a topic I have been meaning to write about for some time. First and foremost, no one wants your shitty villas and your shitty job! Get over it! I was just cruising the Dubizzle site and there are some shocking gigs there for fuck-all pay. These people need to wake up. Reality is here and your dreams are over (people looking to make a buck and landlords looking to extort). The problem lies here:

1. no renters
2. no jobs

Get off your high horse and lower your rents, mofo's! You are dreaming. A quick scan of Dubizzle as well as Gulf News ads shows a 100k difference in the SAME place! Put down your glue sisha and wake up to reality! There are no renters, just like there are no buyers. Get real. I rent a place for 135,00 AED. It is a decent villa in Arabian Ranches. Decent yard, decent neighbours. All is good. I have an offer to move out of here and my wife and I take up a villa in Mirdif for 93,000AED, split 3 ways. Quite the savings.

When I lost my job back in September, I got to thinking what the best course of action is. I had a freelance job, so I picked up and kept working. October came around and things were looking rough for everyone, not just me, but I had rent to pay in November and was concerned about pissing away all that money if I was leaving. SO I ran an experiment. I placed an ad in Dubizzle for my villa as a one year sublet for 240,000AED thinking I would end up with a tidy profit, enough to fly back here from "points unknown" to collect deposits back and hand the place back to the landlord. I got 22 responses in 24 hours. I was amazed. People were willing to pay that kind of money for a place to live, and lots of people at that.

The weeks and months went on and I did not sweat the "escape clause"...I thought I had it figured. 6 weeks ago I placed the same ad....no responses, yet there were other places listed at the same money. 4 weeks later, dropped the rent to 210,000AED. No responses. 2 weeks ago I dropped the rate to 190,000 AED. No responses, yet there are still identical villas as mine advertised for 240,000AED. Are they nuts? So forget the guessing and speculation. Rents are falling, I have had this experiment going for months now.


As a sidebar, when I dropped the rent to 190,000AED, I re-wrote the ad and changed it to just "for rent". No sublet, no dodgy deals. Just straight up FOR RENT. Nada!

Now we want the fuck out. Cut and run as they say. This place is too expensive for unemployed people to live in. The funny thing is we can't give it away. Seeing as I am close to the situation, I am a realist. This experiment started as a method of making money on my way out the door. At this point I would be happy to just hand the villa back to the landlord if he will take it. I think I owe it to him to get the highest price possible so his greed streak will let me out of the contract. (This is the same asshole that wanted me to pay 20,000AED upon renewal so he felt "better" about his investment. A threat of rent committee and some heated words, the last I heard from him was "merry Christmas" and "happy New Year".

I am afraid to run another ad with a lower price. I am afraid I am single-handedly lowering the rental values in Dubai! If I can't get interest for my place 50,000 less than the others that are identical, you KNOW the others aren't renting theirs. Just before hitting "post" I decided to check. Some desperado has listed their place for 155,000AED. Hold on to your hats!

It's called RAIN, you tools!

So the other night Dubai saw some thundershowers. I would have to say, it was heavy at times but absolutely no calamity by any means. Those of us that have lived in regions other than the desert are familiar with the concept of precipitation, especially when accompanied by thunder and lightning. The equation is simple:

Sky make light+ sky make boom+ rain= "weather"

Here in Dubai and the UAE in general, the above is a prescription for disaster. I swear, every time it rains you would think it is the second coming of (insert deity here). I think mostly because people are not used to driving in the conditions, but 80% of the people here are from places where it actually does rain, it leaves me a little vexed. In fact the formula is re-written here as follows:

Sky make light+ sky make boom+ rain= lose your fucking mind and behave like you got your driving license yesterday.

I've seen it over the last 14 months here. Any sign of rain and people call in sick, they don't go out, they basically panic. I will say, houses leak, roads flood, etc, but I don't let the weather dictate my life. Growing up in Canada, driving or "being in" weather has never scared me. There are magical devices called boots, umbrellas (ella-ella-ellas) that allow life to go on. It seems here in Dubai that when it rains, life comes to a standstill. Literally.

When it starts to rain, apparently you can stop your vehicle all together or drive 10 kph, even on the highway. It is a little known rule here, but apparently the hazard lights or four-way-flashers are to a car in Dubai what "sheilds" are to the Enterprise when under attack from Klingons. Seriously. The 4-ways instantly absolve you from rules of the road, speed regulation, going the wrong way on the street, etc. And seeing as MOST vehicles in Dubai turn on their 4-ways in the rain, doesn't that negate the value of said warning instrument? It is like a blinking "look-out-for-me-I-am-going to-act-like-a-complete-asshole-at-any-minute" warning. If ALL these assholes have them on, that is a problem. I can't tell if you are moving or stopped or whatever.

Do us a favour (those of us that earned licenses in countries with "weather")...pull of the road! Just get the hell off. I know what I am doing, and if I don't I will stop! Not roll the dice and get a 4-way ticket to heaven. In Dubai, 4-way flashers mean there is the SAME tool talking on his mobile, changing the radio station, with the kid in the lap and swerving in my lane, only with some liquid variables to boot.

The show I saw the other night in Media City was classic. As a sidebar I drive a Toyota Prado, so it can handle it's own in the rain, sleet and snow. As I came down the road by the Radisson Media City, I could see the roundabout was flooded, some cars were up to their doors. I chose to pull an immediate u-turn (there was no traffic as the opposing traffic was hindered due to the flood) then parked the truck and had dinner. The real show was from the restaraunt watching these retards in their fancy cars chance the flooded r/a.

Car after car (there was a Porsche, Mercedes, Audi A8 already floating) that would pull up and see the flooding. One by one they stopped and put on their 4-ways (sheilds up) and ventured in. One by one they got stuck and needed towing or pushing as their cars conked out. It is like the 4-ways signified "I'm going for it". Fools.

It was great entertainment for all who were dining or boozing. Even Dubai's finest had a few issues. When they towed the A8 out, I thought for sure they would pull the front end off. Now THAT would have been great. I found a funny article on BBC related to this:


It appears that when one's hazard lights are on, one is able to do anything without fear of reprisal. The original purpose of hazard lights was to warn other drivers that the car was stationary because it has broken down and won't go any further.

However, over the years the hazard light's purposes have been extended. Nowadays, leaving one's hazard lights on means you can park anywhere - there may not be anything particularly wrong with the car in question. Leaving hazard lights on while parked on a double yellow line or in front of a fire hydrant means that the driver has just nipped into a nearby shop. Or if you see a driver who has pulled over to the side of a busy road and has stuck on their hazard lights they may be lighting a cigarette while holding a hot coffee in the other hand, or perusing a street map.

Short and Sweet Regarding the Post Below

As to be expected, the very next day, the brainiacs at RERA released their "Rental Pricing Index". This mythical document was "released" yet not seen. Apparently the commercial index is fantastic, comprehensive and well thought out . For example: on a major street? air conditioning? parking? bus route? etc.... The residential guide is simply apartment or villa? And to boot, this index is not only not available, but there were "no prices given"??!! I mean WTF is the point of a "pricing index" sans prices? This place gets more fucked by the day. It is officially laughable now. Below is a rant from an online forum I frequent, www.dubaihelpinghand.com

Okay, so RERA "unveils" their price index. Kinda...well.....not really. How do they even print this crap?

QUOTE:
RERA aims to control property rents through new price index

By Suzanne Fenton, Staff Reporter
Published: January 14, 2009, 23:33

Dubai: Dubai's Real Estate Regulatory Authority (Rera) has revealed their rental index that they hope will replace the need for rent caps in the future.

Rera on Wednesday announced Dubai's first residential and commercial rental price index.

Where is it? Not on the RERA website. Maybe share with us?

QUOTE:
The rental index has been designed to give average rental rates across different zones of Dubai.

"The government has already interfered three times to impose rental caps and now there is hope that the rental index will remove this need," Rera said in a statement to media.

"Interfered"...nice choice of words. Rent caps were needed to protect people from extortionate amount of rents being demanded. Now, the market can probably dictate rents, but the index will be a good guideline.

QUOTE:
The commercial index gives the average rental rates for properties, based on road conditions, public parking, location, air conditioning, view and age of the building.

Office prices are also dependent on whether the building is on a main road, sub-street or an inside building.

Fair enough, looks like you did some research.

QUOTE:
Rental prices for residential properties, however, are not clear. Properties are divided into apartments and villas, and are based on the size of the building only and no other criteria.

So the RERA boys had a few drinks and said "piss on it". This should be good. That means a villa in Al Qusais will be the same price as Emirates Hills, right? I Hope they use the Qusais pricing in their index! Can't wait to see the prices on the index!

QUOTE:

Prices were not given.

Umm...shit-tards! By definition, prices are required for a price index! Jesus, people.

QUOTE:

"Rera will constantly update this rental price index to match market factors and changes. This index will stop owners from putting the rents too high in the market," said Mohammed Khalifa Bin Hammad, director of Rera's real estate relations regulatory department.

Keep up the good work, Mo! Don't knock yourself out updating the pricing index with no prices. This is such a valuable tool, I feel better now. No rent cap needed either, now that you have unveiled this concise list sans pricing.

I hate this place.

RERA cheif opens Pandora's Box

You would figure these idiots would learn. I should mention that the general consensus in Dubai regarding rules and laws is that the various committees are sitting around the hubbly-bubbly pipe dreaming this shit up as they go. We learn about laws, etc. as they are published in the paper. There is no debate, discussion, public opinion, anything. "Do what we say today, and we may or may not enforce rule "x", or we may just sweep it under the carpet. Dubai and UAE's government in general are a perfect candidate for the "Darwin Awards". These tools actually think the shit they come up with is a good idea.

Rents have been a long time debate in these parts, with increases in the past year alone around the 40% mark. Complete and utter lunacy. Basically, you were paying 15% of the value of the place you were renting. Sickening. To boot, there was no rent controls, committee, recourse until a couple of years ago when they introduced rent caps. It started at 15%, was reduced the next year to 7%, then finally 5%. Your contract was protected for two years. Essentially, you pay one arm and one leg now, then next year another arm and another leg, then after the second year, the landlord could charge 5% more. Simple, right? (except how you would get another 5% of an arm/leg, but I digress)

Residents rejoiced now that unscrupulous landlords were leashed. I had a battle myself and came out ahead. Well, just today, the head of RERA (real estate governing body in Dubai) announced that there is no more rent cap.He feels in these economic times is not necessary. "Rent caps are not needed in a tough year". What the fuck is he talking about? Is he smoking glue in that pipe? How can you make decisions with your head so firmly up your ass? Jesus.

What this means is the following: If you have been renting for multiple years at a "reasonable rent", the gloves are off now. Although the landlords will not get the INSANE rents of yesteryear, they will certainly want to bump up their revenues. I have a friend who is renting a villa in Mirdif. It is a 3 bedroom + maids, 3 bathroom place. Very decent. He pays 93,000 AED per year, and has been there 5 years. Now market rate for this place a few months back would be 240,000AED, now he won't get that much, but he could certainly get 175,000AED for it. What this dicksmack at RERA has done is essentially legalize gauging to allow all these rents to be increased. There is absolutely nothing in place now to prevent the LL for effectively doubling the rent. Hold on to your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Article below....

Rera chief executive says rent caps are not needed 'in a tough year'

By Suzanne Fenton, Staff Reporter Published: January 13, 2009, 00:01

Dubai: A rent cap is not needed this year, Marwan Bin Galita, chief executive of Dubai's Real Estate Regulatory Authority (Rera), told Gulf News. Many tenants in Dubai are still confused that no rent cap for 2009 has been announced. While the cap for 2008 was set at five per cent, this was due to run out at the end of last year. Since then, nothing more has been said on the issue. However, Bin Galita told Gulf News on Monday that in his opinion, no rent cap is necessary in 2009. "We don't need a rent cap this year. We need to freeze everything. 2009 is a tough year and we shouldn't interfere with rents too much," Bin Galita said. Bin Galita also said rental rates should be fair to both landlords and tenants.

My point (and I may very likely have one)

My initial thoughts when I dreamed up this idea was to get the message out there that Dubai is not the "promised land". Of course that was September 2008 and you would need to have been in a coma to not know that the entire world has shit the sheets in the past few months. My point (and I may of had one) in September was more to let those that found the blog that they should beware. I moved from Canada after being headhunted here and it all went pear shaped 10 months later. My point was to let people know that Dubai is not all pigtails and roses. Do your research and ask around.

I have met some great people here. I have family here, my wife, a "life", and an active one at that. The key thing is that I always thought of Dubai as a means to an end. I never wanted to make a life here, retire here, or STAY any longer than required. Like most expats, I came with wide eyes and big plans. Hell, in the weeks before coming out I was concerned that I would find the "right" Porsche??!? I was concerned I would not find the right gardener, maid, car wash guy, etc. Because that is what you do in Dubai, right? You drive a (insert favorite car here) and lunch at the Burj al Arab? Reality is...

When I got here I realized a Porsche was impractical and show-boaty, the gardener (or should I say grass waterer job) went to the first guy that rang the doorbell. The maid..forget it...I'm the maid. Car wash boy? Tried it, they fuck it up every time and I like doing it myself.

Dubai, back in the day, was a place where you paid people to do everything for you. You lived a lifestyle where you worked and socialized and someone else did your bitch work. Times are a-changing, people. I don't think a single one of my friends has any "staff"...we are a DIY generation. I think the mentality is still there in people who are loaded or have been here for a while. I have a client who employs a "maid" whose sole responsibility it is, is to babysit the dogs while they are at work! They have been here 15 years. Taking a bikeride around the neighbourhood, you rarely see people walking their own dogs or playing with their own kids. That is what the "help" is for. The most common sight in my neighbourhood is a maid of Asian flavour being dragged down the street by a dog she can't control. Or better yet, at the pool, the nanny sending a text while the kid in her charge eats sand or dog shit from the previous group of "handlers".

This is a crazy place, and in my short time here I think I have a wealth of knowledge, and if not, at the very least, some funny stories. Going forward I have a few ideas how I would like this blog to develop. Seems that doing that and actually committing these ideas to the web takes time and effort. Maybe I can hire someone to do it for me?

Asshole of the Week

I think I will comment on a situation where a person I deem worthy has garnered the title "Asshole of the Week". Like sxephil ( http://www.youtube.com/sxephil )has his "douchebag of the day"...same idea. I'll try to keep it on a local/ U.A.E level. So the inaugural AOTW is this prick:

Buddy here decided he needed to park in this fashion on my street. I live in Arabian Ranches here in Dubai...a very mixed group of westerners, Indians and the occasional Arab or "local". What we have here is one of my lovely neighbours. Sources and research tell me that he is a well-to-do royal from Ras al Khaimah. With the information provided and a quick police search tells me Sheik Range Rover is a menance to society. This tool not only parks like this on the local street, he also has fines outstanding for parking in handicapped spaces, AMBULANCE spaces, multiple convictions for parking in front of hydrants AND three fines for running a red light. Funny enough, not one speeding infraction! Will dickwad 5000 pay those fines? Never. Will his vehicle be impounded as it is supposed to (and clearly obvious for all to see on the Dubai Police website)? Most likely not.

arrrrrgggggg

This is not rocket science! Apparently everyone on the planet is doing this (think they call it the Blogoshpere). Ok, that being said, between the UAE proxies that filter everything in and out of the country on the web and my colossal retardation when it comes to the obvious...this is proving tricky. Not tricky once you get the swing of things, but the WYSIWYG interface is not quite jiving. After tweaking the layout and adding a few trinkets to the right side of the page, the bastard still looked like it did when I signed up in Sept. 2008. Hopefully these issues will work themselves out. Effing internet.

TWITTER--I go "full retard"

Wow, set this up in September how time flies? Seemed like a good idea at the time, and a better idea than the new stupidest Web App on the planet....TWITTER। Of course I signed up, and I am still trying to figure out the fucking point. Is Twitter not just a very convoluted way of updating your facebook status? Jesus how dumb.