Monday, February 16, 2009

I owe you some Assholes

Sorry gang. Back from holidays, and believe it or not, blogging takes time. As soon as the 8th day a week is declared, or they invent more hours in the day, I can be a better poster. So.....down to biz. I need to update some assholes of the week. This time I will feature some international assholes. (yay)

The first back-ordered 'hole, for many reasons is Sol Kerzner. The South African Tycoon who built his empire on the back of Apartheid (but don't get me started on him). I have been to his place (Atlantis) in Bahamas a dozen or so times, and thought it was okay.

Needless to say, Atlantis here in Dubai has been a train smash. Blowing $20 million on fireworks to open the place in the midst of a financial meltdown..frowned upon. A captive whale shark (Sammy)...VERY frowned upon. Long story short..my mom was here visiting and wanted to see Atlantis. For political and other reasons, my wife and I have never been, but mom wanted to go, so we did. Here's what we found:

-AED 150 for valet parking
-AED 30 for a coke
-crap service
-crap hours for food establishments
-AED 400 for the waterslides
-AED 800 for the dolphin explotation (sorry..I mean "show")
-The world's largest glass dildo needs to go, buddy:

Some quick math...a family of four for the slides, show and a meal is $1600.00 USD. Are you serious? You must be kidding? NO? Guess what, Sol..the shops are empty, the food licks and would sooner fly to a real beach and HOPE for dolphins than pay your ass.

I was particularly impressed with your wine list. I would love to pay AED 30,000 for a bottle of wine in your dump Italian restaurant. That brings the wine list in line with the AED 30 coke my wife had.
Chump. How dare you offer fine vintages in a place that does not even have their shit together. We were a party of 6...half of which the appies ordered were not available, the other half were done their mains before the others got theirs. Not good.

I have news, Sol. Your Italian restaurant's name when translated to English is "Greasy Spoon"...or as they call it on the highway.. a TRUCK STOP. We'll never be back, enjoy our money, cause it is the last fil you will ever see from us.

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